#I REMEMBERED TO TAG NOW SORRY i just took my meds.

[niriaveil]

i truly can't fathom a world in which lucanis does not try to quit being first talon. like for the first few months (or a year), it's all nice and fine living in treviso with inés and his family and doing what his grandmother wants but then. it's like. this sucks. i never wanted this. and part of it is just inés being like, "why don't you just quit? why don't you just leave?" because the idea of being trapped in a place/job that makes you miserable and yearn for freedom is something she's quite familiar with and doesn't want to see him slowly rot away because he's so burdened by expectations and then it turns into this whole thing where it's like. yeah. illario sucks but at least he wanted to be first talon and or maybe caterina can raise a new talon or just dellamorte gets absorbed by the de riva house when she dies but like.

inés and spite sending malicious thoughts at caterina at every point because lucanis would kill himself to make her happy and both inés and spite would love for lucanis to find freedom and be himself and do what he wants, rather than be stuck as first talon just to appease his grandmother. he can still be a crow if he wants! they'll take that! but he's lacking his enrichment by being stuck in treviso and having to handle all this.

(spite and inés planning theoretical murders and how to get lucanis out of his job so he can be happy again because he truly shined when he was working on the contract to kill the gods and be free and away from his home (but still having a home to go back to) and that he deserves to know what real freedom and love and affection is. lucanis wakes up and inés is still dead tired and he's like, "oh no, what happened, did spite do something?" and she's like no we're fine don't worry about it :) < planning many things to see him happy)

[floral-hex]

wowwy wawawa. was worried about seeing a new psychiatrist, but any doc that gives me a month of ativan is okay in my book.

so anyway, I got that and also starting something called remeron after the weekend is over (going out of town for my brother’s 2 day chess tournament and don’t want to deal with side effects during it). Let’s be hopeful.

[cherry-pop-elf]

Kiss it Better Pt:2

Curly x Reader

AN: Holy shit I did NOT expect all the love and support from the original like god damn! People begging for a part 2 and everything (I’ll make sure to tag those who asked for one at the bottom) Like oh my god thank you guys so much! This means the WORLD to me! As a disabled person trying to make his medical issues more accurate it means so much that yall love it and how I write in general! Thank you!

SUM: You and Anya were busy dealing with changing Curly’s wrappings together. Sharing stories, and just trying to stay positive. That’s when you just had to ask. What’s going on between her and Jimmy?

Warnings: Jimmy, sexual assault, Anya sharing her trauma so pls take care of yourself, medical gore, medical situations, light violence,

“Thank you again for handling Curly’s medication. I’m sorry I just-“ Anya would try to explain again how sorry she was that she was struggling to do her job. A job you could never blame her for. She’s been through a traumatic event of the ship crashing, and already had to try and save a near corpse. She deserves to breathe.

“Anya it’s fine, really. I’m his romantic partner as well. It be weird if I didn’t pick up some responsibility and tried to take care of him. You also deserve time to rest. You’ve done so much for him, and saved his life. Give yourself more credit. It’s not a sin to ask for help.” You would try and comfort her, as you would grab the fresh bandages for Curly.

He needed a lot of them, and they had to be changed out relatively often. He’s basically just exposed meat after all. The risk of infection was high, which you were wondering how he didn’t even catch any yet, so he needed alot of attention and care.

If only Pony Express had packed more, because the med bay was running out of them fast. Very very fast. Might be only able to maybe re wrap him a few more times now. Had you terrified because as much as you wanted to take care of him you had to leave some bandages for the rest of the crew. In case of another emergency.

You wish you could be doing more.

“We’re going to undress you. Is that alright?” Anya would ask Curly, who in return would give two blinks to indicate that he consented to being stripped. Was gonna have to be done but it was still so kind of Anya to still ask before hand.

The two of you would soon get to work on changing out his bandages. A very slow, careful, tedious job. One that normally took over a hour to do properly. So it’s time to kill some of that empty space.

“Ya know, this isn’t the first time over had to wrap up a certain someone because they got hurt. I remember a time when we were at a Ski resort with his family. Someone wanted to try a path that was meant for experts and before you know it someone’s returning to the lodge with his leg bone sticking out of his pants.”

Anya gave a little ‘oh my’ as you just laughed at the memory. Curly just adored sports. Especially the winter variety. You felt so blessed that he had a job that paid so well. Well enough that the two of you, and his own family sometimes, could go and enjoy vacations like that.

You wonder if the two of you will ever see the snow again.

“That sounds rather nice, minus the whole breaking his leg. To share a cabin together with someone. Cuddle for warmth together by the fire place. Sounds really nice.” She would speak dreamily. As if she knew it was simply that. A dream. Something that will never happen again. No matter how hard she tried.

Like something was wrong with her.

“I bet you’ll get that moment. When we escape here you’ll have a flooding of men and women coming your way. The brilliant woman who managed to fight death and win. Again and again. The most brilliant woman to ever live.” You would praise her, as you were very mindful of Curly’s catheter. As if that needed to be messed with.

“Yeah…..Maybe……” Anya didn’t really seem to actually respond. Was like she was just saying words for the sake of words. Had you wondering.

Even before the crash she had just started acting off one day. From being a cheerful woman who was gentle and full of smiles, to being so quiet and scared by the littlest of sounds. Like she expected someone to jump from around the corner and attack her. Any feeling of safety and comfort vanished.

You were worried.

“Say, Anya-“ You began to speak, while disposing the bandages safely into the bio hazard bag. “-Is everything ok? I mean duh we’re not doing to hot with being, ya know, crashed and all. But besides that. You just seem…..different.”

Anya seemed to not hear you. She simply worked on checking over Curly’s body. Hunting down any infections, looking for possible bed sores, monitoring his healing, and getting ready to do the ever so gentlest of sponge baths.

Anya did always get in the zone whenever someone was hurt. You figured she didn’t catch what you said because of it.

So repeated yourself, as you stood next to her. Impossible to miss what you were asking, as you would help Curly sit up and just move his joints to better reach with the sponge.

The only sounds in that room were Curly’s whines of discomfort. Whines to indicate truly how much pain he was in when even the pain killers can numb it.

“Anya….I know you can hear me. Is everything alright? Not to be rude but I’m kinda asking you a question.” You would be gentle, but she still couldn’t help but looked distressed.

“Anya what’s-“ You would reach a hand out, to comfort her, but the second it was raised towards her she would immediately flinch. Her startled reaction ended up even making her drop Curly’s leg on the table.

Oh that’s gotta hurt.

For a fleeting moment you put Anya on the back burner, and just focused your attention on comforting Curly. How he gave a weak sob from the intense pain.

“Shhhh I know Curly Fry. I know. It’s gonna be ok. It was an accident. You know she didn’t mean it. Shhh.” You would kiss his forehead, as Curly had a muscle spasm through his body from the intense shock to his system. So exhausted and in so much pain.

“It’s gonna be ok. I promise. I love you so much. Just think about our future. How we will get off this ship, and have that family. Have our own baby-“

The moment you said baby, that’s when Anya finally cracked.

Her hands were now covering her face, as she just broke down into sobs. Sobs that sounded so hoarse. Like she’s done it so many times that her body was just abused from it. Left you so worried and confused.

What the hell is going on here?

“Anya, what’s wrong? What did I say?” You would gently guide her to a chair, and worked on stroking her hair. Giving her as much comfort as you would to Curly. The same gentle love as he would get. Love she deserved.

It took a while for her to catch her breathe, and you didn’t rush it because it really seemed she needed it, but her own trembling body was finally able to quite down.

“I need to tell you something. I need to tell you something about Jimmy-“

You were quick to kneel down infront of her, and was ready to take in every last word she was going to say. Maybe what secrets she held could finally explain why the hell you all were crashed here. Why Jimmy crashed you all.

“Jimmy ra-“

That’s when the door opened.

As if that bastard had a sixth sense for whenever people were talking about him. That same annoyed expression, same sneer, same empty eyes.

All three of you kinda froze in time now. Looking at him, as he looked back at you all. Scanning you. As if judging to figure out what was being said before entering.

“Hey….Captain….” You swallowed, as you would return to standing. Anya herself remained in her chair, with her head down. Didn’t seem she trusted herself in showing any expressions right now.

“What were you guys talking about?” He asked, as he seemed slightly on edge. Like he hasn’t been sleeping well or had too much caffeine. Just this tension of paranoia was in the air. Like he was worried about something.

“Just about the bandages. We’re starting to run low, and Anya is just getting worried about having enough.” Wasn’t a complete lie. The best lies were the ones with truth sprinkled in.

“Of course he’s wasting our supplies.” He scoffed, before walking over to the table. You were trying to give Curly some respect with grabbing something to cover him up with, but it was like Jimmy wouldn’t let you. The stare he gave you, when you grabbed the clean hospital gown, made you just freeze in place.

It was just so full of hate.

It was just so full of disgust.

It was just cruelty in dark eyes.

It was just focused on you. As if Anya didn’t even exist right now. Like she meant nothing to him. Nothing but the wind in the air. Something you don’t even bother in registering every day. Like how you breathe in air in your lungs.

You don’t notice until it’s gone.

“Has he been given his medication?” He would ask you, as his hands would be firm on the bed side. Just seeming to assert his dominance with standing over the man. Like some got over the little people.

“Yes Jimmy. He’s been medicated. We are actually in the middle of washing him. It would be nice if there was some privacy-“ You tried to gently hint at, only for it yo fall on deaf ears.

"The crash really did do a number on you. You don’t even have a dick anymore. Just holes huh-?” Jimmy would scoff, as that was your final straw. You would give Jimmy a hard hip bump, and quickly covered Curly up. To give him dignity and respect.

“Hey-! Watch it! Don’t think because you are Curly’s little eye candy doesn’t mean you can go pushing people around-“ Jimmy would bark at you.

You didn’t feel fear.

Jimmy was messing with YOUR man now. Curly deserved dignity and respect. He doesn’t deserve to be called a ‘set of holes’ no way in hell. No one deserved that and ESPECIALLY not Curly.

“Will you just shut up?! What the hell are you even doing here?! Aren’t you the Captain now? Captains are suppose to be doing whatever it takes to help the crew. All you’ve been doing is walking around and insulting everyone! It’s like you don’t want us to be saved. Be a Captain and take some responsibility already-!”

The anger that he had for you was terrifying. You swore it was like a switch. He suddenly seemed taller, bigger, angrier, more intense. You felt like you were shrinking more and more. Like you would melt into a puddle under that heated stare.

But you refused to.

For Curly.

“Listen here you-“

SLAP

You smacked him across the face. Was like the world went mute. No one was so much as breathing. Just the stares of shock from Anya and Curly.

“Get. Back. To. WORK.”

You ordered, and he listened.

He would hold his red cheek, and walked away like a dog with its tail between its legs. As if he was all talk and no bite. That he couldn’t bring himself to be more than an angry voice.

Someone needed to keep him in his place.

“Can this damn ship get any more hectic?” You sighed with your fingers to the bridge of your nose. Just trying to think clearly.

That’s when Anya found her voice.

“I’m pregnant.”

You opened your eyes wide, and was frozen in place.

Did you hear that right? No no. No way. Why would she be pregnant? How would she get pregnant? Who would get her…

“Oh my god.”

You slowly turned around to Anya with the puzzle pieces falling into place. You finally realized what had happened.

Jimmy never was a responsible man.

@meheheasasa @letmebedelutional @trashcansally @balanahala562

Prev 2 Next

[pynkgothicka]

Inspired by one of your reblogged posts..

I really want to see dark! misogynistic Jason Todd with a somewhat innocent! girlfriend. He was so sweet to her until they started dating; Now he just can't be bothered with her. He consults his friends about it on COD, or some other incel hangout, and they advise him to put reader in her place.

He comes home one day to reader laying in bed on her phone and he just can't seem to control himself. He's spewing out degrading thoughts, about how he's just so sweet to her and all she can do is complain, and not even be grateful that Jason's using his precious time to breed and lay his claim her needy cunt. Using and absolutely destroying her like the plaything she is.

(also, can i be 🐢 anon? i feel like I'll be returning to you for a while.. i love ur work!)

Ｉｍａｇｉｎｉｎｇ ＪＳＴ

Pairing - Dark! Misogynistic! Incel! Jason Todd x Innocent! Girlfriend! AFAB! Reader

Featuring - Rest of the Batboys

Tags and Warnings - Incel behavior, noncon, name calling, misogyny, medication, gaslighting, degrading, abuse, violence against oc/reader

Authors Note - Back tew my roots!!!! And ofc I would love to finally have anons!! Also sorry this took eons-

A friendly reminder that all my works are dark fanfiction! Please if you do not like that do not read them! These depictions don't pertain to reality. This is your final warning before hitting the keep reading button!!

Jason watched you in your shared small apartment. He couldn't figure out what went wrong between the two of you. It started whenever he moved in. Jason was never so used to having somewhere there 24/7.

You were just so needy and particular.

“Jason? Baby… what do you want for dinner tonight?” You ask coming to sit by him. Your hands ran over his arm and kissing at his visable scars. Jason pulled away from you, the feeling making his skin tingle.

He watched as your face fell and you sigh before getting up and grabbing your purse. “I'm going grab something to eat tonight. Please remember to take your medicine.” You say heading to the door and leaving.

“I don't need them.” Jason replied quickly looking at you as you straightened up the living room before leaving. “I told you about reminding me to do shit.”

Jason watched as you just sighed again. “I tell you because I want you to be better baby. I don't want to keep doing things alone, I just want us to be better.” You said doting once again, keeping your sweet nature with Jason. But he only saw that as pity and he hated it. He hissed before rolling his eyes and getting up, the couch going back by his sheer strength. “I don't care what's for dinner. Just get out.”

💭

“I don't know what to do with her. She's just so fucking annoying.” Jason rambles into his microphone. He was playing COD with some online friends. One of his friends, N1ghtVV1ng laughs into his own mic.

“Well what is she doing huh? My girl treats me just right, and even allows me to fuck whenever I want.” He taunts. Jason rolled his eyes at his friends comments. “And she's so tight, god I trained her right.”

“Dude that's so gross.” RedRobinYum, another one of his friends said.

“Well, she just keeps bothering me. Then whenever I try to ask for something she just reminds me to take my meds.” Jason sneered. “Its the same shit, all these dumb questions. I just want her to stay with me and not bug me.”

“Well have you tried putting her in her place? Show her what you want from her.” DamitheBest says. Jason hummed at that suggestion.

“She's just so fragile, I'm afraid she might bre-”

“Get that shit out of your mind now.” Dami says. “Show her who's the boss before she does. Women will kick you to the curb and leave you for someone who'll tolerate that shit they pull.”

“Literally don't listen to these freaks, sit down and talk to her.” RedRobin chimes in. “With any relationship just talk it out, trust me I do that with my partner and we just talk everything out.”

Jason could hear Dami make a buzzer noise that almost broke his mic. “Nope, don't listen to him. Red, he's gotta put his foot down. Cut out any disobedience from his girl.”

Jason looked down at that, the thought of hurting you almost sickeningly turned him on. Dami was right and had always been. Jason just needed to man up and confront you.

💭

“What are you doing?”

You turn around from your spot on the bed too see Jason, standing in the doorway. You smile before getting back on your phone, his voice making you feel better that he's still around.

Yet majority of the time, Jasons voice always brought you a sense of worry and hurt. Worrying so much for and about him made you into someone who barely cared for yourself. It was always Jason, and everything you did was for him.

“Nothing really, I'm just kind of bored.” You reply. Jason stares at you, face blank. His eyes leered at your body as you just so casually laid down. Almost as if just waiting for you to say something. Anything.

“Your not going to bug me to take my meds?” Jason practically spat out. You turned around moving to where you sat on the bed. “Not gonna ask me to take out the trash, help around the apartment?

You furrow your brows. “What? Why are you talking to me like that?” You asked looking at him. “I- What did I do?”

“You dont like it when someone stands against you?” He replied completely ignoring your question. Everything about Jason's words and demeanor frightened you. It was like he genuinely hated you.

You stood up walking towards him slowly. “Jay… it's okay. I think you're having a episode…” You say keeping your voice low. Jason's chest came up and down as he kept getting more and more enraged. You reached out a hand to touch his arm, but Jason pushed you away. Your lower back hit the vanity you both built when you moved in.

“You think I'm having a episode?! Of course you do, you don't just think I'm pissed?” He replied moving to tower over you. You put a hand on the vanity to stand back up. Your chest heaved as your lungs tried to keep up with your heart. You pushed past him leaving through the bedroom door.

Back burning, you looked for your keys. “I'm done with this, all I want is what's best for you. But you've treated me like shit, and I'm done with it.” You said seeing reaching for your keys.

But they were picked up and thrown across the room.

Jason pushed your head against your kitchen island. You groaned out and began to thrash around. Jason snarled at you, keeping you detained.

Hr laughed in your face and seemingly just waited for you to calm down. “I like it when your quiet.” He said leaning down to kiss the back of your head. Your breathing shuddered as you began to cry quietly. Jason reveled in your weakness a hand resting on the back of your neck, the other on your back.

“What did I do Jason … What did I do so wrong…?” You said, your words breaking with your own tears.

“Get on my nerves… I'm such a good boyfriend, yet all you do is complain. I'm sick of that, so I'm going to change it.” Then you feel Jason's arm brush against you as he reached for the kitchen scissors. “Stay still, unless you want to get hurt. I could care either less.” He said as he took the scissors to your shirt. Cutting down the fabric, leaving you exposed as you chose not to wear a bra.

Starting to kick at Jason again, flipping around to try and get away. That attempt was failed, as Jason took your throat in hand, slamming your head back onto the counter. Your vision blurred on impact as he took off your shirt completely. The impact made you dizzy and start to become unaware. Jason saw that, and quickly took advantage of it, kissing at your neck.

He was going to get himself off.

It was what you owed him.

His kisses trailed down to your stomach, tongue dipping into every dip in your skin. You let out dazed cries as tears poured down your cheek. “You've always been so gorgeous. Don't you see how good you could have it?” Jason commented quietly as he pulled down your sweatpants along with your panties. He blew on your cunt, watching just how wet you became at his actions. “Do I have to keep beating you for you to keep still.”

Biting at your bottom lip to hold back tears you shake your head. He smiled as you shivered from his breathing. Jason pushed his head into your cunt, lapping at your exposed pussy. You bit at your bottom lip, trying to stay quiet. You couldn't give him that satisfaction, just once you wanted to be stronger than what you actually were. But Jason knew you, his hand coming down on your ass, making you yelp out. “Stop that, I want to hear you.” He said into your cunt as he continued to eat you out.

But Jason is Jason.

And Jason is selfish.

He only eats you out close enough to make you cum. He pulls away with the bottom half of of his face coated in your juices. You grabbed at the counter top, full on sobbing. “Please… Jay. Stop we can ta-” Jason's hand came crashing down next to your head, the sound of tile making you cry out more.

“You had your chance. You had multiple chances to talk, but you didn't. So now I'm putting you in your place.” He said, ignoring any protests you had. You could hear him undo his pants, the taunting noise of his zipper making your cries only louder. A dribble of spit hits your cunt, Jason's palm coming down to rub at your cunt. “Now shhh, while you take this dick.”

You let out a yell as Jason pushes his length all the way into you. He sits there, breathing heavy and labored.

His eyes stayed fixated on your pussy, swallowing his cock. He pulled out then pushed back in, your walls clamping on his length. His groans were deep as he took no time for you to adjust, fucking into you. Your body shook and shuddered as he held you down, using you for his own pleasure.

“You're so pretty like this,” Jason said his body pounding into your own. You continued to whimper under him, feeling your body become weak. His hand tangled in the mess he had made of your hair, using his strength to pull you up. “You need to be like this all the time, then I wouldn't have to deal with a bitch for a girlfriend.” He snickered into your ear. He said it like it was a threat, or a suggestion you couldn't turn down.

So you nodded in agreeance, his smile turning wicked as he fucked into you. You could feel his hips stutter as he reached his peak. Jason's hand moved to your clit as he rubbed at your bud. “You better cum with me or I'll keep raping this cunt.” That quickly snapped you back to reaily. The realization of needing to end the abuse he put you through, you tried feeling pleasure from the trauma he was putting you through.

Then you feel it. The feeling of you cumming alongside your cunt getting filled. You let out a choked gasp, Jason groaning as he filled you to the brim. His hand grabbed at your ass as he hissed. He pulled out watching as a dribbles of his cum dropped from your abused cunt. He quickly pushed it back into you with two thick fingers. Jason snickered before pulling up his boxers, leaving his jeans on the ground.

“Clean up in here, I'm getting back on the game.”

Let me know through a dm or ask to be included in my official Taglist- @darkuni63 @fangirl-death-rose @captainengineer-trixie @chimmisbae @iloverubberduckiez-blog @mageprincess7 @looneybleus @whipwhoops

[hufflepuffwritingstuff2]

Can you please write something where the whumpee had to take some medicine which made them pass out/fall asleep for many hours and when they wake up all dazed and confused on the verge of tears hyperventilating because they don't remember anything , caretaker arrives and soothes them and just fluff

I really really love your writing too!! Thanks

Hi Anon! Sure! Thank you for the kind words, and for requesting this! Sorry it took so long, but here you go!

Whumpee was floating. They felt like they were drifting in a black ocean, the waves rocking them back and forth. Whenever Whumpee would try to think of anything, the waves would gently pull them under until their mind became blank again. Whumpee was just returning to the surface of the water when their eyes fluttered open.

They looked around the room- their room, they were pretty sure. But they weren’t sure of anything else, like how they ended up in their room or why they weren’t in the ocean anymore. The uncertainty scared them, so much so that their breathing quickened, and tears formed in their eyes. Why were they here? What was going on?

The door to their room- again, only partially sure that the room was theirs- opened, revealing a familiar face.

“Hey,” Caretaker greeted, “finally awake? Oh, oh my gosh, sweetheart-”

Caretaker quickly made their way to Whumpee’s bedside.

“What’s wrong?” Caretaker asked softly.

“Where’s the ocean?” Whumpee asked tearfully, “why am I in my room? This is my room, right?”

“Yes it’s your room, of course it’s your room,” Caretaker said, running a hand up and down Whumpee’s back.

“But how did I get here!? Why is the ocean gone!?”

Whumpee was fully sobbing now, and their breathing was so quick they were hyperventilating.

“Shh, shh,” Caretaker soothed, “Whumpee, honey, it’s okay. The ocean, er… the ocean just had to leave, okay? You were in an accident, you went to the hospital, they treated you, and then they sent you home on bed rest. I’m taking care of you, but you’re on some weird meds that might make you feel funny. Please calm down, Whumpee, take a deep breath. Come on, like this-”

Caretaker took a deep breath in and waited for Whumpee to do the same. Whumpee took a deep, shaky breath. Caretaker exhaled, and Whumpee followed suit.

“Good job, a few more times, alright?”

Caretaker walked Whumpee through the breathing exercise, at which point Whumpee had calmed down a little. They weren’t hyperventilating anymore, and their sobs had reduced to the occasional hiccup.

“Good, very good,” Caretaker praised softly, “I knew you could do it. Can I sit with you?”

Whumpee nodded, sniffling. Caretaker smiled and climbed in bed with them. They held Whumpee close, careful to not jostle their still-healing injuries.

“There now,” they said, “let’s just sit a minute. I’m making lunch you know. Wanna guess what it is?”

Whumpee shrugged.

“It’s bacon sandwiches,” Caretaker said with a smile, “you love those.”

“F-for me?” Whumpee asked, eyes wide.

“Mhm,” Caretaker said, “just for you.”

Whumpee still felt disoriented, but the promise of lunch had taken their mind off of the black ocean. They snuggled into Caretaker’s chest, their worries melting away.

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[ragnarokhound]

hey i saw ur tag on the executive dysfunction post where u said ur meds allow u to punch a hole in the wall and access the internal well of motivation or some such. can i ask how that works as in can you just do things after that?? you like have a task you gotta do and you up and do it? sorry to break into ur askbox like this i was just very curious because my executives do not function

Hi! Sure, I don't mind :)

Short answer: yes. :') I take my meds in the morning, and over the course of the day, it is much easier for me to add tasks to my mental list and then knock them down like the most dutiful Sim in the world. I forget to do things sometimes still - but those are usually due to other barriers like 'I would like to schedule this appointment, but I'm at work right now so I can't do that yet.' and then hours later I will have forgotten that I needed to do that. WHOOPSIES. Not necessarily an ADHD problem, just an average human one.

Also, the meds make it easier to access the well. That doesn't mean I always CHOOSE to use the well, haha. Sometimes I am just sooo comfy in bed and think 'i should get up. But I bet I could get away with another 25 minutes of dozing UwU' and then after my alarm goes off because my 25 minutes are up, I'm cursing my past self for being a hedonistic sloth because I really do have to get up now or I'll be late. I CAN choose correctly. That doesn't mean I do.

Long answer getting into the nitty gritty of my ADHD med journey below the cut:

So just remember that I'm not a doctor, I'm a stranger on the internet, so I don't know quite how it works, and not all medication will work the same for everyone. Executive function is huge for folks with ADHD, but it might be something else! ADHD often shakes hands with other conditions.

BUT - in my experience, I was diagnosed with combined ADHD (both the hyperactive bouncy kind and the laser focus, sit still for 12 hours doing one thing kind). A lot of my own executive function problems stemmed from not being able to choose what I hyper focused on, for how long, or if I even could. :')

There's a few different medications available to choose from once you get a diagnosis, including a fast-acting stimulant and a slow-release stimulant. The one that helps me is a slow-release - I take it in the morning, and it'll start to kick in after an hour and gives me a steady stream over the course of the day, wearing off about 8 hours later.

People with ADHD don't make as much dopamine on their own, and stimulants help your brain produce more of it. If you find yourself feeling calm and more able to focus or task-switch after drinking coffee, or soda, or other uppers, you might be self-medicating, and a diagnosis and meds may be helpful (but definitely talk that out with a doctor).

It took a while for my "storage" of dopamine to build up, and it wasn't pretty the whole journey there. There were multiple days in a row that I had to force myself to eat because the meds suppress appetite, so it was easy to skip meals I shouldn't have. (I embraced snacking over the whole day as a solution until my humors were balanced and I'd built up the habit of prepping a lunch hours beforehand lol)

But the benefits were immediate. Some things are normal, and habits are something every human has to figure out how to build regardless of whether you make enough dopamine - but I was immediately calmer. I would think 'i need to take out the garbage. I will do that now' and I would, in fact, take out the garbage? I'd just get up? And do it??? It was that easy. I find it much easier to stop in the middle of what I'm doing without getting annoyed, and to task switch without it completely breaking my flow. I'm CAPABLE of task switching at all. It's easier to remember that mug I left in the microwave. I can sit or work in silence and it's fine, I don't need music to be playing in the background to focus.

I still have to convince myself sometimes to do things when my executives don't want to function - a big coping skill I like is giving myself a crossroads moment. If I'm reading, the crossroads moment is at the end of a chapter, or a scene break. If I'm playing a game the crossroads moment is when I lost or won a round, or when I completed the task I was in the middle of, or reached a safe area.

At a crossroads moment, you can either choose to keep doing whatever you're doing, or do something else. It's why being on Tumblr and other social media is difficult to get away from, because there is no natural stopping point if you haven't turned off infinite scrolling. If that's hard for you, see if you can change your dash settings to only load a page/set number of posts at a time. You'll get a crossroads moment every time you reach the bottom of that page.

This is all my own experience with ADHD and stimulants, so again, I encourage you to think about whether this sounds like you and bring it up to a doctor if it's having a really big impact on your life.

I hope this helps! I also suggest this video from Jaiden Animations - she talks about her own experience getting an ADHD diagnosis, and funnily enough, this video dropped within the same week as I got mine, haha.

[ejzah]

A/N: What if Deeks was injured more significantly in “Free Ride”? Let’s explore that question in my Whumptober fic of the year. Ignore any medical inaccuracies.

***

Blunt Force

Kensi raced through the halls, pushing past crew in an effort to reach the man pushing the garbage bin. Sam rushed past her, tackling the guy, and the bin tipped over, Deeks spilling out in a limp heap.

“Oh my god,” she murmured, dropping in front of him. He’d fallen at an awkward angle with legs twisted beneath him and his head tilted to the side. She hovered over him, hesitant to move his head or neck if he had any injuries. Thankfully, she could see his chest rose and fall shallowly, but evenly.

“Deeks. Deeks, can you open your eyes?” Kensi asked, unable to control the shaking in her voice. Carefully, she slipped her left hand under his head and probed the back of his skull, wincing when she felt a prominent bump just below his crown.

“Kensi,” Sam prompted from behind her.

“He’s not responding at all. He needs medical attention.” She smoothed his hair back with the tips of her fingers. It scared her to see him so still.

“I’ll alert the on-board medic and have Eric call in a med-evac,” Sam said, and Kensi nodded without looking at him, completely focused on Deeks.

***

Deeks woke with a pained grimace, instinctively tugging away from something tangled around his arm. Opening his eyes, he squinted against a bright flare of light, and after a few blinks, realized he was in a hospital.

Crap, he must have pissed off a defendant.

Wincing, fumbled at his nose and after a few tries, removed the nasal cannula, instantly feeling better without it scraping the inner tissue. With that out of the way, he took stock of his situation.

His head throbbed worse than the only time he got drunk in college and opening his eyes more than a slit made the pain spike and his stomach clench. He heard the door open, and lazily turned his head towards it, praying that whoever it was wouldn’t turn on a light.

Fortunately, the nurse who entered with a rolling cart of medical equipment kept the lights off and spoke in a low tone as she greeted him.

“Good to see you awake, Mr. Deeks. Let me just check your blood pressure and heart, and I’ll grab your doctor.”

As she placed the stethoscope on his skin, he noted the name tag displayed below her left shoulder.

“Tamara, what happened to me?”

She recorded his heart rate, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around his bicep. She offered him a smile. “I wish I could tell you, but you’ll have to wait for the doctor. You just rest for now.”

“You can’t even tell me how I bumped my head?” he pressed, turning up the charm as much as he could in his current state.

“Sorry, no chance, darling. I’ll come check on you in a little while. Maybe I’ll even bring you some jello.”

“Well, that is my favorite,” he commented with a wan smile. The thought of eating sounded awful right now.

Tamara left, and he leaned back, closing his eyes in a futile attempt to ignore how truly awful he felt. He let his thoughts drift to the last thing he remembered, but all that came to mind was something involving spinach.

The last case he’d worked involved a known drug dealer. No, a DV case. He rubbed his temples as his thoughts and memories ran together in a dizzying, confusing mess.

***

Kensi had been waiting for Deeks to regain consciousness for the better part of a day. He’d been through CAT scans, and MRI, and numerous other tests to ensure he didn’t have serious brain damage. So far they’d all come back with minimal signs of injury, which was a relief, but she wouldn’t breathe easily until he woke up.

She’d spent the morning pretending to read a book one of the nurses gave her—she hadn’t processed a single word of it—and staring at Deeks, silently pleading with him to wake up.

At lunchtime, the lead nurse had convinced Kensi to grab something for herself while she checked on Deeks. Kensi reluctantly agreed, running down to the vending machine rather than the cafe for a pop tart, which she ate cold before heading back to his floor.

As she stepped off the elevator, the nurse flagged her down. Kensi’s stomach sank and she thought she might be sick or faint as she rushed over to her.

“Agent Blye, Detective Deeks is awake,” she said, offering Kensi a smile.

“Oh my god,” Kensi whispered, pressing her hand over her mouth. “Is he ok? Did he say anything?”

“He’s conscious and responsive, but the doctor will need to examine him to know more,” she responded not unkindly. Kensi frowned at the vague answer and the nurse clarified, “It’s good news. Why don’t you go on in. Just remember to be gentle since he’s likely to be sensitive to light and sound.

“Of course. Thank you, Tamara.”

Kensi opened the door stepping into the dimmed room. Deeks turned his head, squinting at her through the slits of his eyes.

“Deeks,” she said, relieved to see him indeed conscious and apparently alert. “I’m so glad you’re awake. How do you feel?” She stopped at the side of his bed, resting a hand on his arm before removing it just as quickly.

He followed the movement with a confused frown. “Hi,” he said, voice throatier than usual. “I’ve been better. Have we met before? My memory’s a little shaky, but I’m pretty sure I’d, uh, remember a gorgeous brunette.”

Tilting her head, she gave him a measuring look, then folded her arms across her chest as she recalled the last time he’d been in a hospital bed. “Deeks, this isn’t funny. Stop messing around.”

“Believe me, I wish I was joking, but I don’t have any idea who you are,” he insisted.

“I’m Kensi. Kensi Blye,” she tried out of desperation. There wasn’t a hint of recognition in his eyes though. He stared back at her with a growing look of dismay, and licked his lips, lifting a hand to drag his hand through his hair before he apparently remembered it wasn’t a good idea.

“Well, this is new,” he muttered to himself. “I guess this explains why I can’t remember what I had for breakfast or my last case.”

He sounded so perfectly like her Deeks, his upper lip quirked in a half-smile as he stared up at her. He was as friendly as ever, but as he would be to a potential witness they met on the strange. Not his partner of three years.

She paced a few steps away, leaning against the nearest wall. “Ok, so what do you remember?”

Leaning his head back, he squinted as though the effort of thinking physically hurt. “Uh, my name is Martin A. Deeks. Most people call me Deeks, but some call me Marty. I am a public defender for the LA county court system and I like to surf,” he said, nodding as he said each point.

Kensi suddenly felt like her knees might give out, and she quickly grabbed onto the back of the chair next to her. Deeks hadn’t just forgotten her, but entire years of his life.

“Are you ok?” he asked, because of course even with a concussion and amnesia, he still picked up on her distress.

“Um yeah.” She awkwardly tugged on the hem of her shirt. How the hell did she break this kind of news to him. She supposed she could let his doctor handle it, but that seemed cruel. Not to mention, cowardly.

“I take it you know something I don’t. What exactly happened to me?”

Kensi inhaled deeply before she took the plunge. “Um, this is going to be difficult, but you were hit in the back of the head.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured that out from the pounding headache and ostrich egg sized bump. What else?”

Suddenly standing felt to impersonal for this conversation, so she pulled the chair up to the side of his bed, sitting on the edge with her hands folded tightly in her lap.

“Deeks, you are not a lawyer. Well, you are, but you don’t practice anymore. You’re a detective with the LAPD,” she told him.

He took the revelation remarkably well, barely showing any reaction other than a slight widening of his eyes and flaring of his nostrils.

“Wow, ok. That’s, uh, that’s unexpected,” he said on a breathy laugh. “What year is it?”

“2012.”

“Crap,” he muttered, rubbing both hands over his face.

Kensi looked away, uncomfortable with his distress. She wanted to comfort him somehow, but they didn’t do that. At least she didn’t. She dealt comfort in stilted words and pulled punches. Besides that, Deeks didn’t remember her.

“So this absolutely isn’t an elaborate scheme?” she checked one more time out of sheer desperation.

“Fraid not,” Deeks drawled, rubbing his chin with his knuckles. “Though that would be significantly more fun than laying in a hospital bed recovering from a concussion. with nothing to go on from the last 6 years.”

“I feel like I should say touché or something.”

He gave her an odd look at that, then huffed another laugh, lowering his eyes to his lap. “I guess you do know me.” He scrutinized her for a few seconds, squinting with obvious effort before he made a pained expression. “Are you a cop too?”

“I’m a federal agent.”

“Based on the fact that you’re talking to me, I’d guess I either did some really bad, or I work with you in some capacity,” he said. Of course his mind worked just as quickly as ever.

“You’re a liaison for my agency,” Kensi told him. “And we’ve been partners for the last three years.”

“Oh.” He blinked a couple times. “That’s unexpected.”

“Why?” It came out a little more defensively than she intended.

“I tend to get on people’s nerves. They say I talk too much, or it’s my hair,” he explained, then added with a touch of bitterness. “Or I don’t know how to leave well-enough alone. I’m a trouble-maker.”

It sounded like he was quoting someone, and Kensi winced a little at the memory of how she and the rest of the team had treated him his first several months.

“Well, it was kind of a rocky start,” she admitted. “But I have a pretty strong personality too.”

“That sounds like a story waiting to be told.” He shifted uncomfortably, squinting again. He looked paler than when she’d walked in.

“Maybe for another day.”

They were both silent for a few minutes, with Deeks looking increasingly less well. Eventually, he sighed, pushing himself up on his forearms.

“Can you help me get up?” he asked.

“I think you should wait until your doctor sees you. You probably have a serious concussion.”

“I want to see what I look like.”

“Don’t you think that can wait?” she said, completely perplexed by the unexpected request.

“Right now I’m working with the Marty Deeks of 2006. A lot could have changed since then,” he explained, shifting around with the obvious intent to get up with or without her help.

Giving a perturbed sigh, Kensi held up a hand before he could try to get out of bed himself. “Let me go ask a nurse if I can borrow one. And don’t even think of leaving that bed.” She gave him a severe look that hopefully had more effect than on an unconcussed Deeks.

It took a few minutes, but with the combination of her badge and the mention of Deeks—who apparently was popular from his previous stays—Kensi returned with a small hand mirror. Fortunately, she found him still in bed when she returned.

He had a small furrow between his eyebrows, his head turned towards the wall. Kensi faltered, once again unsure how to proceed. Last time Deeks was in the hospital, they’d had catching his shooter to focus on. Now, the way forward seemed far more nebulous.

“I’ve got the mirror,” she murmured. His head jerked at her voice, and he ran a hand over his face before turning to face her. She handed him the mirror wordlessly, watching as he positioned it in front of his face.

“Huh.”

“Not what you expected?” she asked, and he shrugged, eyes shifting back and forth.

“I guess I finally ditched the baby face,” he commented wryly. “Or maybe it’s just the beard.” He touched his jaw almost absentmindedly. “That’s going to take some getting used to.”

“Somehow I can’t picture you without a beard,” Kensi admitted. He’d always had some facial hair as long as she’d known him.

“Yeah. Shoulder length hair too.” Now his hand drifted to the matted hair at his cheek. “I’ve had it pretty long most of my life, but I grew it out in college and I keep it out of principal. Or I guess kept.”

His eyes took on that distant look again and Kensi guessed the full weight of the situation had finally hit him.

“Well, you can always grow it out again. If you want.”

He shook his head slightly in response. “I’m not sure it would fit anymore,” he murmured.

“Deeks, I—”

A firm knock on the door interrupted Kensi, though she had no idea what she would have said in an attempt to reassure him.

“Mr. Deeks, I hear you’ve rejoined the waking world,” his attending doctor, Dr. Lesley said. She nodded to Kensi before focusing her attention on Deeks again.

“Yeah. It’s been a wild ride so far,” he responded dryly.

“I’ll let you have a few minutes,” Kensi told him, hurrying out. Maybe she was a coward, but she couldn’t sit through Deeks finding out the full extent of his amnesia.

She headed for a restroom, locking herself inside. In the tiny room, she sank to the ground, and quietly sobbed, mourning the loss of everything she and Deeks had shared.

***

A/N: Part 2 to follow soon.

[angelsanarchy]

Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N One-Shot Series PRT 26

Tagging:@roryculkinluvr@thatsthewrongwallcraig@icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06@shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl @s-0lar @kristennero-wallacewellsver@ophelialaufey @mayathepsychic1999 @x-prettyboy-x @rorylover71 @auggiethecreator @tempt-ress @blacksoul-27

Jack had woken up the next day feeling like absolute shit. Dr. Carty had told him that he needed to be checked in for a short stay just to get him back on track and Jack reluctantly agreed. He wasn't sure how he could fall so far with all the progress he had made. He knew bits and pieces of what happened last night but it was Dr. Carty who explained to him that Y/n had been with him and left in a hurry not wanting anything to do with him once the doctor had gotten there.

"Do you think I have time to stop by Y/n's and let her know I'll be gone for a bit?" Jack asked standing on the front porch.

"I suppose you could but if she isn't ready to forgive you Jack, don't push her." Dr. Carty pressed as he nodded his head. He walked across the street and knocked on the door, pulling his sleeves down to hide the bandages. Y/n opened the door and stared at him, unmoving.

"Hi." Jack croaked unable to really look at her.

"Um I just wanted to let you know that I'm going in for treatment for a little while. Carty thinks is best to get me back on track since I let some stupid shit take me out-"

"Don't make excuses. You stopped taking your meds because you wanted to punish yourself. Then instead of just taking it out on yourself, you took it out on me." Y/n had no sympathy for him.

"I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm just trying to let you know what's happening. I told you I was a lot to handle." Jack reminded her.

"Yeah you did and I still wanted to be apart of your life but you aren't going to use your mental health as an excuse to be a shit person. You don't get to say horrible things to me and just get away with it. You damn sure don't get to put your hands on me and get away with it either." Y/n stepped towards Jack and he stepped down off the porch.

"Did...did I hurt you? I don't remember putting my hands on you." Jack looked her body over and she shook her head.

"Shanda said you didn't remember hitting her either. She called me after talking to your doctor. She loves you a lot." Y/n cleared her throat.

"I would understand if you never want to speak to me again-"

"Oh fuck off Jack. Don't pull that poor pitiful shit with me. You know I'm not going to fall for it." She spat.

"You fucked up because you decided to hurt yourself. Now you need to go and get your shit together. I'm not going to be anyone's punching bag ever." Jack heard those words and feared he had actually struck her.

"Have I ruined this? Be honest with me Y/n. Will I have something to come back here for with you?" Jack finally looked up at Y/n and she sighed.

"I shouldn't be what you're worried about right now. You need to go and get your shit together, maybe work on a real apology instead of the abundance of excuses you just showed up with. But most importantly, I want you to get better for you." Y/n seemed sincere and Jack nodded his head.

"I want you to know that I would have never hurt you if I was in my right state of mind. I would have never wanted to make you scared of me." Jack confessed and she nodded.

"I'm not scared of you Jack. I'm scared for you. I want you to control your mental illness, not let it control you." Y/n stepped down into his space.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"Tell me that again when you've had time to sit with all of it." Y/n looked at his eyes and could see such an overwhelming sadness. He looked lost like he had just woken up for the first time in years. She rubbed her thumb on his forehead and sniffled, like she was trying not to make herself upset.

"Take care of yourself Jack." She turned on her heel and walked back inside. Jack kept his gaze on the door for a few moments before leaving and seeing Dr. Carty standing by his car.

"How did it go?" He asked curiously.

"She told me to go get my shit together and when I get back, we can talk then." Jack rubbed the back of his neck and Dr. Carty shook his head.

"Then we have some work to do. You can't just go to treatment, get your meds right and then come back, you know that right? You have to go through assessment again and see where you're at before we can release you. We have to know you won't hurt yourself or come off your meds again." Dr. Carty explained. Jack knew he fucked up but he didn't realize how badly he fucked up.

The last time he was sent for assessment, they held him for a year. What if they kept him for another year? What if Y/n moved on with her life and he never gets the chance to really apologize to her? What if he just fucked his whole life up for no reason?

"Don't let yourself get overwhelmed by the prospect of having to stay longer than you want Jack. You know you need the treatment, the time and the hands on care. You are no good to come out sooner than what you should if you plan to get back to this life you've created with people you care about." Dr. Carty squeezed his shoulder.

"I know...I just don't want to lose her trying to find myself again. It took me too long to get back to who I was before." Jack looked at his doctor who gave him a sad smile.

"I don't think you are back to that shell Jack. I think you just had a weak moment and we need to take care of that to avoid bigger issues in the future."Jack looked at Y/n's front door again and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Alright Doc...let's get to work." Jack got into the car with his doctor and kept his head down as they drove towards the hospital. Y/n watched the car pull out of the driveway and she finally let herself cry. The last 24 hours was so heavy and she hated that she let herself get so caught up in her feelings for Jack, she forgot that he had struggles just like her.

Later that night, she got a call from Dr. Carty she wasn't expecting.

"I know it's late but we just got Jack settled in for the night and I wanted to get your permission before I fulfilled his request." Dr. Carty said.

"What request would that be?" She asked concerned.

"Jack would like to add you to his emergency contacts. It means I can share his medical updates with you. He has no living family so it would only be you and Shanda. I personally think it would be a good idea since you're so much closer than she is." He explained. Y/n stayed silent for a moment.

"Would you be comfortable with that?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm fine with that...just don't tell him I said I agreed okay?" She didn't want him thinking he was in the clear just because she cared about his health.

"He's going to be okay Y/n. So will you. You're a very strong young lady. I hope you do what's best for your life and I hope that includes Jack." Dr. Carty was so far off book and he knew that but Y/n could hear how much he cared about Jack as more than just a patient.

[kellykidd]

Baby Severide- Chapter 6: Going Home

*Gif belongs to its rightful owner, it is not mine*

Pairing: Kelly Severide x reader

Summary: A familiar face announces some good news and allows you to take your baby home

Words: 1002

Warnings: hospitals, mentions of surgery

Read on Ao3 here

Next Chapter: Chapter 7

Notes: Remember how I said the next chapter would be longer? Yup, It’s longer, but not by much. Also, how fitting is it that this is my 3000th tumblr post? As always, a reblog of any chapter earns a tag in chapter posted after that! Enjoy!

Join my taglist here

Tags: @district447 @mrspeacem1nusone @tringeorge @storiesofsvu @cfdhouse51 @skullcupcakes @whatismypurpos @carnationworld @youraveragedorkysimp @treehouse-mouse @witchywinchester99 @keabbs @marvelcharactersxreader @pensfan5871

——

“Okay… what does that mean?” Kelly asked, standing up to show his concern.

“I want to have a neonatologist come and look over Alexis just to be sure, but I’d like to discharge you both tonight.”

You were in disbelief, absolutely shocked they’d let you out early. 

“When can we have the neo- who did you say that was?” You asked.

“A neonatologist. Dr Clark is his name. I’ll have him come by when he has a moment,” she smiled.

“Thank you, thank you so much.”

As Doctor Calhoun left the room, you and Kelly both had smiles plastered across your faces. 

“I guess we better start packing up,” you shrugged.

A knock on the door a few moments later interrupted your packing. A familiar face walked in.

“Clark?” Kelly asked in disbelief, “Jeff Clark?”

“Kelly, this your kid?” Jeff responded.

“Yup, this is her.”

“She’s beautiful, mind if I do my checkup?”

“Not at all.”

“Hi, I’m-“ you started.

“Oh right, sorry baby. This is my wife, a damn trooper carrying a Severide baby,” Kelly chuckled.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Doctor Jeff Clark, uh… formerly Firefighter Jeff Clark. I used to work with Kelly before going to medical school,” Dr Clark explained.

“Good to meet you, Doctor Clark.”

“Jeff, please. Kelly’s a good friend.”

“Alright, Jeff.”

Walking towards you and Kelly, he pulled his stethoscope out.

“I can do my exam while she’s still in your arms, if that’s good with you Kelly,” Clark motioned.

“Absolutely. How did you get into neonatal…?” He led off.

“Neonatology? Funny story actually,” he laughed, moving the stethoscope around Alexis’ back and chest, “through my residency, I had the opportunity to work in the NICU for a shift. Loved it so much, I took on a few more shifts and eventually I switched over. Now I get to take care of brand new babies for a living.”

“It’s an honourable thing you’re doing here, Clark.”

“Craved the rush I got working with the CFD, now I get to do that with less bunker gear.”

Kelly chuckled, “how’s she looking?”

“Nothing as of yet that would make me want to keep her here, other than the fact she’s adorable.”

“She gets it from her dad,” you interjected, giggling.

Doctor Clark completed a little more poking and prodding on Alexis before replacing his stethoscope to his neck. 

Jeff smiled, “I’m finished up here. You guys are good to take her home once we get all of the paperwork done.”

“Thank you, Clark,” Kelly stood up to hug him with one arm.

“Good luck Severide Family. Bring her back soon, will you? Always nice to see the ones that make it.”

Jeff left the room and happy tears streamed down your face.

——

“Do we have everything?” You asked, situating yourself in the wheelchair an orderly had brought for you. 

“Diapers, wipes, fan, diaper cream, blankets, postpartum hospital freebies,” Kelly laughed, “I think so.”

“Car seat?” 

“Alexis is in it, baby. We’re all good,” he assured you.

“Ready?” The orderly asked.

You nodded and Kelly placed the car seat on your lap. The orderly started to bring you out towards the parking lot with Kelly carrying your bag behind you.

“This is your stop,” the orderly announced as you reached Med’s exit.

“Thank you,” you replied, grabbing Alexis’ car seat and standing up.

Kelly took the car seat, “I’ve got her.”

As you made your way to where Kelly parked your SUV, what felt like miles away you might add, a few tears rolled down your face.

“What’s wrong?” Kelly stopped, enveloping you in a hug with one arm.

“I’m just so happy,” you smiled through the tears, “I didn’t think I’d ever get to have this moment.”

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

Once you made it to your car, Kelly fastened Alexis’ car seat and helped you into the backseat beside Alexis. 

As he drove home, he made sure to drive as carefully as he possibly could, knowing you’d give him trouble if he didn’t. 

“Ready to carry her into her first home?” Kelly asked, unlocking the apartment door.

“Excited, but exhausted,” you smiled.

“It’s late, Alexis is already asleep. I can put her in the bassinet if you want.”

“We can do it together, that’s ok.”

You waddled in the apartment, carrying Alexis’ car seat.

“I didn’t think I would still have the waddle,” you laughed.

“You may not be pregnant anymore, but you’re healing from a major surgery, babe. Take it easy.”

He led you over to your bed, still carrying your hospital bag with him.

“Anything you want out of here for tonight?” He asked, “I’ll go put the breast milk in the fridge.”

“Just my phone charger please,” you replied, taking Alexis out of her car seat and bringing her over to the bassinet by your night stand.

“Do you want to get up with her tonight or should I let you sleep?”

“If you aren’t too tired,” you smiled softly. 

“I’d love to get up with her. You need sleep, I can tell.”

“I do need sleep,” you laughed, “you sure you don’t mind feeding and changing her tonight. I know that recliner couldn’t have allowed you to get too much sleep.”

“I ran into burning buildings on no sleep sometimes baby, I’m sure I can get up with Alexis so you can recover.”

Getting yourself tucked under the covers, you turned out the light on your night stand. After Kelly came back in from the kitchen, he crawled into bed beside you with heavy eyes. 

Placing his arm around your waist, he snaked his hand to lay over to you belly, something he did while you were pregnant when he wasn’t on shift. Even when he was on shift, you placed your own hand there, as a comforting reminder. 

“Goodnight Kelly,” you leaned over to kiss him, “I love you.”

“Goodnight baby, I love you too. Thank you for keeping our baby safe these past nine months.”

[chil-aglia]

𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

Names and Masks

Be sure to read the tags on my Ao3 so you guys know what you’re getting yourselves into.

Art is done by me, PLEASE feel free to make your own art and idk tag me in it or something—

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 weeks had gone by in a flash. Everyone was still getting adjusted to each other after learning the news that the Hamato’s had an addition to the growing family.

The long-lost brother hadn’t been cooped up in the med bay as much. He was walking around and nervously fidgeting with his hands whenever he saw his brothers and father around.

He didn’t know what to do. He was healed, the bandages he once wore were now off him and the bruised he suffered had completely disappeared in over a few days. The others could clearly take a better look at his appearance now without the injuries. Mikey had pointed out the different sizes of his pupils were still there, but Donnie scolded him saying that was an insensitive thing to comment on. No one really asked why his eyes were like that, as to not set off any potential triggers.

The four brothers were all trying to give their newly found brother the space he needed to get adjusted to the world, but they still treaded on eggshells around him. He was still jumpy and sometimes they see him curl up in a ball as though he was still trying to hide from the Krang.

It was…an interesting 2 weeks.

Currently everyone was gathered together in the living space. Splinter took a seat beside his lost son that came back to him who was awkwardly sitting on a bean bag that he didn’t know how to feel about. He sunk down and felt like he was going to fall through the floor, but with assurance from the others, he somewhat relaxed.

“You know what I just thought of?” Mikey spoke up all of a sudden, gaining everyone’s attention as he points over to his nameless brother who blinks at the gesture in confusion. “We don’t have a name to call him by! We can’t just…not give him one.” 

The other straighten up in realisation that they in fact didn’t know the name of their brother, or if he even had one to begin with. “Wow, you’re right.” Donnie hums in thought before looking to his nameless brother who silently listened and watched them. 

“Uh…do you have a name?”

Name?

The nameless turtle slightly narrows his eyes in concentration. He had been called many things, all by the Krang mostly. There was nuisance, pet, waste of air, vermin was the more popular of his many titles by them…but he knew that these weren’t the names that his brothers were asking for.

Do I…even have a name?

He thought he had one, there had to be something buried deep in his memories. He just needs to find it—

Oh, he recalled it. 

“S129.”

The others stare dumbfounded at this, all sharing a puzzled look. “Those…are just random numbers and a letter.” Raph stated the obvious, as Donnie placed a hand under his chin in interest at this “name” that came out of the mouth of the recently acquired brother of his.

“Where did you hear this exactly?”

Another question he didn’t quite know the answer too. He placed a hand on his head, rubbing his skin gently, sweat forming as he tried to remember what he could.

“Humans…in these lab coats named me that?”

“Whoa, whoa. Humans? You mean…you weren’t in the prison dimension the entire time?” Leo widens his eyes, walking a little closer, not moving too fast to startle his brother. “Not always…I don’t know exactly. But I was with humans before, and they sent me to that place. Sorry…I don’t remember everything, it happened a long time ago.”

“It’s okay if you can’t remember. We can always give you a new name, right?” Mikey smiles, sensing the stress he was starting to spiral down upon.

Leo, Raph and Donnie nod in agreement. Donatello was the first to excitedly speak up, “Oh, I have been wanting to name my brothers for years, but they never let me. Now I get a chance!” He expressed his eagerness, as he zooms over and leans in front of the nameless turtle who flinched at the closeness as he leans back slightly into the bean bag.

“Okay, let’s see. There’s Albert, Einstein. Oh, there’s also Isaac. Newton. Charles. Darwin—“

Leo pushed Donnie slightly back from their brother as he gave a deadpan look. “Dude, we are not naming him after those science guys. Come on, Albert Einstein? Isaac Newton? You weren’t even trying to hide it!” Leo scolded his big brained brother who scoffs and crosses his arms, looking away.

“I never get to do anything I want.”

And just like that, an argument occurred between the brothers. All shouting out potential names for their brother. Said brother was getting overwhelmed, panicking as he didn’t want anyone to fight over him. He tried to softly gain their attention by waving his arms around, but they hadn’t notice.

But Splinter clears his throat and used his rat tail to smack his arguing sons. “That is enough out of the lot of you! Honestly, he’s not a pet dog that you guys are trying to name.” He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Immediately the boys pout and look down, somewhat ashamed of themselves.

Splinter sighs and looks to the panicked turtle who had calmed down. “My son…” He starts off, gaining the mutant turtle's attention as he hesitantly locked eyes with Splinter. “If you allow me to suggest a name…” He added before Splinter exhaled out of nerves and gave a gentle and warm smile.

“I had a name already picked out for you long ago. It was a name that I was going to call you if you were living with us from the beginning….”

This now had everyone else’s attention, curious to hear.

“Giovanni. Named after the painter from the renaissance. I had a theme going when I named the other boys, so…yeah.”

Gio…vanni?

The nameless brother was a bit flabbergasted. He wasn’t expecting for his father to actually tell him a name he had in mind for years. Splinter took his silence for something negative as he quickly tried to assure him, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Of course you don’t have to use that name. I understand completely if you’re not sold on it! I’m sure we can find something much more fitting—“

“I like it.”

Splinter blinks, his ears perking up in surprise as he watched his son stare at him intently. “I…I want it to be my name. Please…?”

Splinter felt his eyes getting glossy, holding back a choked sob as he quickly wiped his eyes and breathed in, placing his hands on his hips to look confident.

“Of course! We shall all call you Giovanni!”

The brothers all cheer and nod in agreement to the name. “Well…I suppose it suits you. I personally would have gone with one of my names that I suggested—“ Donnie quipped in, only to be cut off by Raph who smiled widely.

“Congrats on your new name bro!”

The nameless—no, Giovanni, nods in acknowledgement as he looks down at his hands. They were shaking, not from fear, but out of excitement. He didn’t think that was possible. 

My name…I have my very own name.

-----

Meeting Baron Draxum was not something Giovanni was entirely thrilled about. He didn’t have any ill intention towards him, but it was the fact that he was unknown to him.

A stranger. His creator.

It was a bit frightening; he was fidgeting on the spot when Mikey happily announced that Draxum was coming over in a few to see Giovanni. Why? He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that Mikey contacted him and explained briefly that they had another brother and that was more than enough for Draxum to drop everything and come over.

So it was the waiting game now.

Giovanni— he was still getting use to his new name— had noticed the on edge look of the others, especially Leo who had been grumbling under his breath, something about a roof?

It didn’t take a genius to know that Leo and Draxum had some bad blood between them. Or at least, that’s what Giovanni was getting at with the red eared slider. 

“So, tell me again why we’re letting Draxum see Gio?” Leo huffs out, tapping his foot impatiently.

Gio?

“Because, he might know more about him. So, in a way, this is a win for everyone! We get to know more about our brother and Draxum gets to, uh…see him?” Mikey sheepishly smiles at his older sibling who didn’t seem all convinced.

“Uh huh, sure.”

“Relax Leo. It’ll be fine. We’re here so it’s not like Draxum is going to try anything.” Raph placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, which seemed to relax the latter who exhaled out a breath. “Sh…should I be worried about him…?” Giovanni quietly asks, as Leo blinks over at him and shakes his head. “No, no. It’s just me being paranoid. The guy threw me off a roof and he’s never once apologised for that.” He huffs, glaring down as Donnie rolls his eyes at his twin.

“Give it a rest.”

“Hey! You get thrown off a high point rooftop and then you can tell me to give it a rest—“

Giovanni blocked out the rest of the conversation. Even though Leo told him that it was nothing to be fret over, Giovanni had already spiralled down the rabbit hole of ‘what ifs’.

Was Draxum planning on taking him away?

Was he going to hurt his family? Going to hurt him?

What if he was being sent back to the prison dimension?

What if this was all still a dream—

“Where is this ‘long lost brother’ of yours that you told me about?”

A new voice erupted his thoughts as he turns around to see Mikey walking back in with a complete stranger beside him, looking both intrigued and bothered. “Right here! Draxum, meet Giovanni!”

Mikey jumps over to his brother and gently presented him without warning to the sheep yokai who widens his eyes and stared longingly. Giovanni felt like running away, his fingers twitching at his sides as he stared back at his creator. This was too weird and overwhelming for him.

“You’re….”

Giovanni gulps, waiting for whatever he had to say.

“…magnificent!”

Sorry, what?

Giovanni blinks owlishly as he then let out a tiny yelp in surprise when Draxum began to poke and examine him. Circling him like prey with utter curiosity.

“I cannot believe that you’re alive. I thought you’d died in that explosion.”

He leans in, narrowing his eyes in focus as he stared at Giovanni’s pupils. “Your eyes a little strange. Heterochromia and anisocoria. What an interesting combination….” 

Leo saw the awkwardness flooding the room as he clears his throat and protectively poked Draxum in the chest to get him to back up from Giovanni. “Okay, don’t go making your first impression weird.” He lightly joked as he placed a hand on his hip, tilting his head slightly as Draxum hums and sighs, straightening himself up.

“Fine, fine.”

Giovanni blinks, calming down once Draxum wasn’t in his personal space as he gazed over to Leo who was standing beside him, arms crossed over his plastron. “So, what can you tell us about Gio?” Donnie inquired, speaking up from behind as he and Raph curiously await answers.

“There’s not much to tell. He was created at the same time as the four of you.”

“But surely you know more than that? Like, uh…oh! Is he older or younger?” Mikey eagerly asks, this also gained the others interest, even Giovanni’s as they lean in slightly.

“Ugh…hang on, let me think.” Draxum groans, eyeing Giovanni as he surveyed him from where he stood. 

About a minute or so passed and Draxum sighs. “From what I remember, he’s older than Michelangelo.”

“Aw man.”

Raph gently spoke up after that, side eyeing Giovanni who had been quiet, listening in to gain all the information he could. “And the rest of us?” Raph added into the conversation, Draxum looks towards Raphael and gazed between Leonardo and Donatello.

“Well, I think it’s safe to say that he’s probably the oldest of the four of you. I retrieved him first before I got to the rest of you. I’m pretty sure I even hired an expert yokai who specialised on human animals to determine your ages at the time. They told me that your brother here, is the oldest.”

This shocked the room, even Splinter who had walked in a few seconds ago who heard the last part of Draxum’s sentence.

“Wait, wait…Gio’s the oldest?! Not Raph?” Leo exclaims in bewilderment, latter blinks and placed a hand to his face, “I’m…a younger brother?” Raphael muttered to himself as Mikey gasps happily and jumps on top Raph’s shell.

“Hear that?! You’re like Donnie and I!”

“He’s still technically the second oldest.” Donnie deadpans, but Mikey waved off the comment. Raph, despite learning he was not the oldest, still felt the same. He gazed towards Giovanni for his reaction, he was expecting some sort of…excitement?

But he flinched when he saw the far away and panicked expression on his brother’s face. Giovanni remained unblinking, his breathing slowly getting elevated.

In Giovanni’s mind, he was a mess.

He expected to be older than Mikey at the very least, going based on size and attitude. But being the oldest of his brothers? 

He felt like he had to take on all the responsibilities now. He’s never been a brother before, let alone an older one. Oh no, he was already making a fool of himself. He wasn’t older brother material, he barely protected Leo when he arrived in the prison dimension. He acted like a scared child whenever Donnie showed him a needle. He threw up in front of everyone just because he got overwhelmed when he learned that he actually had a family to begin with.

He couldn’t do this. He needed a way out. He didn’t want to take on the responsibility of being the protector. He was only just adjusting to the world itself—

Raph brought him out of the spiral when he crouched down slightly in front of him and had both hands on his shoulders, gently shaking him to get his attention. “Hey, it’s all right.” He soothes, keeping a warm and steady smile on his face. 

Giovanni gave two blinks at him; was he saying all that out loud? Or maybe his facial expression gave it away. Whatever the case it was Raph seemed to have read his mind.

“Just because you’re the oldest, doesn’t mean you’re alone. I’m still older than them, so I can help you out if you really want me to. Just…be yourself, it’s okay.”

Be himself? 

Giovanni fiddled with his fingers nervously, his eyes cast down to his feet as he twists his face in uncertainty. “I…don’t know what being myself is…” He whispered, loud enough for Raph to hear as he gave a sympathetic smile and nod in understanding.

“It’s okay…you’ll find yourself one day. For now…don’t stress about it. Everything will still remain normal.”

Normal…

He didn’t even know what was normal for them. But not wanting to worry his brother, he nodded none the less, Raph letting him go. It seemed the others didn’t see what happened between them, Leo, Donnie and Mikey were going on about the hierarchy of siblings as Draxum watched them with a tired look.

Splinter had went ahead to leave them be, watching his programs.

Was this the normalcy around here?

Giovanni sighs, but he was thankful for Raph to calm him down. He was right, he doesn’t need to stress about the whole older sibling stuff. He needs to focus on getting better. Adjusting. Healing. Coping. Everything.

“I have a question. What about his Ninpo? He’s related to us, so I assume he has it, but…” Donnie commented out loud, which brought a round of curious hums from everyone. “Nin…po?” Giovanni repeats the foreign word. He never heard of that before. What was it? 

“Ah, right. You wouldn’t know. Basically, to summarise it up for you; Ninpo is this super ancient mystic power that only the Hamato clan can do. A.K.A. us! With this Ninpo we basically get cool powers and whatnot.” Leo grind at his rough explaining at his family’s power but this still left many questions for Giovanni.

Donnie scoffs and pushed Leo aside to stand in front of Giovanni. “While that was certainly a summary of it. I’m sure you’re massively curious about, well, the rest of it.”

“Hey, I did a good job on telling him.”

Donnie ignored Leo, clearing his throat. “Allow me to give you a more insightful explanation. Hamato Ninpo gives its users access to the collective power of past Hamato Clan members, bestowing its users a large amount of mystic energy that grants them various superhuman abilities. We also collectively have our own unique ability. The technique is unlocked by wholly connecting and trusting in one's family.” 

Oh, that was a lot of words for Giovanni to wrap his head around it all. But he nods. If he wanted to know more he could always ask again.

“Maybe Pops would be better at explaining it. But it’s a bit too much for you handle.” Mikey sheepishly chortled, Giovanni frowns a little at this. But Mikey was right, it’s too much for him to handle at this moment. He barely understood what Leo and Donnie were on about.

“Am I still needed? If not, I’d like to leave so I can prepare school's lunch.” Draxum spoke up, ready to leave. “You could stay for dinner?” Mikey offered, only for Splinter to shout from the living room.

“Absolutely not! We, uh…don’t have room at the table.”

That was obviously a lie, but Draxum either way shook his head. “Perhaps…another time. If you need me to look over Giovanni. Just let me know."

Mikey nods and walks with him to lead him out the lair. Leo sighs and looks to Giovanni, “So…what’d you think of him?” He lightly teased only for Giovanni to tilt his head at this. 

“He’s…a little strange. But not too bad, I think.”

“Well, that’s a start.” The slider grins lightly, chuckling at the response. 

-----

Giovanni was resting in the med bay. But because he was injured or anything, he felt comforted in the room. Plus, he currently had no room of his own, so everyone made a collection decision that Giovanni was allowed to use the med bay as his temporary room until they find a spot for him in the lair.

Giovanni didn’t mind it one bit. Perhaps it was because it was the first room he awoke in when he was first brought here that he liked the idea of sleeping here. Though he knew it was a bad habit.

When he was in the prison dimension, every cave he found he thought was a safe place. Until the Krang found him, and he had to move again.

He prayed that this med bay stayed standing long enough for him to get his own room. 

Two subtle knocks on the door brought him out of his thoughts, he opens his eyes and glanced over to see his brothers poking their heads in. “Oh, sorry, did we wake you?” Mikey apologised but Giovanni shook his head. He wasn’t even asleep in the first place, just resting his eyes.

“Something…wrong?”

He watched the four walk inside, keeping the door open as they slowly gather closer to the bed Giovanni was lying upon. “Not at all! You see, we uh…” Mikey didn’t know how to word it, so Raph tried too instead.

“So, I’m sure you’ve noticed but we all wear these coloured masks on us, yeah?”

Giovanni nods. It was one of the many first things he’s noticed since arriving. 

Red.

Blue.

Purple.

Orange.

Leo slides in, leaning against Raph’s large arm with his usual smirk. “Well, we were talking, and we figured…since you’re one of us. Maybe, you’d like to have one of your own?”

His own…? 

“I’m…allowed that?”

Mikey beams and jumps over, “Course you are Gio!”

Gio…now this was getting confusing for him. Was he named Giovanni or Gio? He’d have to confirm that at another time.

“So, what colour would you like to have? Mikey can probably make it. He’s the artist of the family.”

“Yeah baby!”

Giovanni pondered about this. He’d never once thought about masks and colours before. He had no clue.

“What about…okay, hear me out; light blue?”

“Nardo, that’s just your colour but lighter.”

“And he’d rock it none the less.”

Raph sighs at the twins before humming in thought, “We could do…green?”

“Dude, that will totally wash him out. He already has green skin.”

“Oh, what about yellow?”

“Mikey, we don’t need Giovanni to look like a highlighter.”

The four continued to converse, all thinking of colours that might suit Giovanni who had been lost in thought. In may not look it, but he was thinking himself of the colours he could wear.

He wouldn’t mind black, but maybe that was too dark. 

Pink? No, that reminded him of the Krang.

White? Okay…that didn’t sound too bad. But maybe just a little bit more colour to it.

Grey….hm, almost there.

Giovanni blinks as he thought of a decision, looking up at his argumentative brothers, he anxiously bites his lip before softly clearing his throat. 

“Light grey…”

This caused the boys to stop and stare, owlishly blinking as though they were processing what they had just heard. 

“You want…light grey?” Donnie repeats, tilting his head in puzzlement. Giovanni nods hesitantly. “I think…it would suit me?” He tried to reason, though now that he said it out loud, maybe it was a dumb idea.

White was too blank for him. Grey was on the right track, but it still felt just a tad bit dark.

Light grey on the other hand. Not to blank, and not too dark. If anything, it reminded Giovanni of a once blank canvas that was slowly getting itself together, being splashed with a tiny bit of grey colour to start it off somewhere. Giovanni had once witnessed Mikey painting on a canvas in his room. He had used grey and white paint to start creating whatever his mind was eager to draw.

And that stuck with Giovanni.

“You got it bro! One grey mask coming up! Oh, should we talk about gear too?”

Donnie pats Mikey’s shoulder to calm down their excited little box turtle mutant brother. “One step at a time Michael.”

“Oh, right yeah. I’ll start on that mask now! I’ll probably have it done in like an hour or so?”

Giovanni nods in understanding, “Take your time.” He assured but it fell upon deaf ears as the youngest sibling bounced out the room to start working on the mini project.

-----

As Mikey promised, he returned to the med bay, about an hour later, clutching something behind his back.

Leo, Donnie and Raph had decided to sit on chairs around Giovanni to keep him company whilst they waited. “I’m back! And with a present!” Michelangelo beams smugly at his creation that he was hiding. The brothers look up, Leo the most eager to see, “Well don’t keep the suspense Mikey. Hand it to him!”

Mikey happily got close to the bed before he held his hands out.

“Ta-da! Your very own mask.”

Giovanni looks down at the outstretched hands. In his brother’s palms was a light grey fabric with two eye holes.

With much hesitation and delicacy, Giovanni took it from Mikey and observed it. “Need help putting it on?” Raph questions, tilting his head politely to the side as Giovanni thought about it.

He shakes his head, raising the mask up to his face.

He knew how to tie after all, so it was easy.

The four watched eagerly, Giovanni’s hands working themselves to put on the mask and tying it up.

He looks up, staring at his brothers who awed in amusement at the sight. “I gotta say, grey does suit you! Never thought that colour suited anybody.” Leo grins, admiring his new appearance. “Here.” Donnie handed him a mirror he got from his battle shell, letting Giovanni look at himself too.

The mask itself was simple. Light grey, two holes for his eyes to see out of. It didn’t cover the upper part of his head, only the middle like Leo and Mikey.

The tails of the mask were long, reaching the same length as Leo’s.

It was clean, since it was just made.

It was simple.

It was his.

Giovanni couldn’t help himself, he felt his mouth twitch up, giving out a small but genuine smile. Now…now, he was slowly becoming one of them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Yay, he finally gets his name and his mask! Doesn’t have his gear or weapon yet though. But he’ll get them eventually.

I APOLOGISE FOR ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES THAT WERE MADE, I TYPE REALLY FAST AND OFTEN DON'T SEE THEM UNTIL I ACTUALLY PUBLISH THE CHAPTER. 

quotev - 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

Ao3 - 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

First chapter here

Next chapter here

[frogprincesnowglobe]

♡ 9 fandom peeps to get to know better ♡

➤ tagged by @k-pepp thank you for tagging me, sorry it took so long to respond!

➤three ships i like Right now my main ship is Wilmon but some ships I've liked in the past are Evak (Even and Iskak from Skam), and Gabrielle/Xena from Xena Warrior Princess.

➤first ship ever Drarry, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy is the very first I remember being invested in.

➤ last song you heard Med huvudet begravt i kudden by crescenterna (the band Malte is in)

➤ favorite childhood book The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett, but I also loved Nancy Drew, Goosebumps, and just lots and lots of books.

➤ currently reading I just finished The Blue Castle by LM Montgomery, and I'm rereading Anne of Green Gables.

➤ currently watching I watched the last episode of this season of Great British Bakeoff. I'm thinking of watching the 80s Anne of Green Gables because I haven't seen it since I was a kid.

➤ currently consuming Nothing, but I had a piece of sourdough bread a few minutes ago.

➤ currently craving getting my passport renewal done. I'm procrastinating on it by doing this instead but I'm nervous something will go wrong, or renewing at standard speed is a mistake or something.

I'm taggging @freakishly-bookish-ant @bluedalahorse @raincitygirl76 @justfriendsbestthings @snallavanta and @nerdyfangirl76

[sarahmadpeople]

A sight for sore eyes

Summary: One of Chicago Med’s finest doctors is back and reunited with his favourite person.

Pairing: Connor Rhodes x Reader, Connor Rhodes x Halstead!Sister Reader

Characters: Halstead!Sister Reader, Connor Rhodes, Will Halstead (mentioned)

Tags: fluff, reunion

Warnings: none (just pure fluff)

Word count: 683

Disclaimer: i don’t own any of the characters and this is purely fiction ~

a/n: back with another chicago med fic and it’s one of my shortest fic >< this is one of the ways I imagined Connor coming back to Chicago,, sorry for any mistakes and enjoyy ~~

Masterlist

~

“Room for one more?” A voice so familiar rang through my ears. A voice I’ve wished so many times to hear other than through the phone. I looked up and my eyes got misty. All the air seemed to have sucked out from my lungs as I took in the sight in front of me.

Standing gloriously a few feet away was Connor. Connor Rhodes.

Connor, who left because traumatising things happened one after another and he needed a break from the city. Connor, who left, leaving a distraught girlfriend back in Chicago, threading life with little to no support, what with her boyfriend being in another city, her older brother leaving and her other older brother being so close to losing it with whatever’s been happening in his life, the not-so recent building apartment fire flashed by in her mind. God, I nearly lost Will, lost my brother.

“Mind if I sit with you?” Connor’s voice once again brought me back from my thoughts.

“Connor,” I managed to utter because if I were to say anything else, the flood works would come. Connor took it as an invitation to sit next to me, on the bench outside the hospital overlooking a park nearby.

“You’re back,” I said as I looked at him, cataloging every feature of his face. I’ve missed this so much. It’s been almost a year since he left and that one year was downright a crazy year.

Connor chuckled and let out a soft but bright smile that never failed to spread warmth all over me, “I’m back, babe. For good.” Connor reached his arm and pulled towards him. The moment I was attached to him in a sort of a side hug, I sagged and melted into him.

I took in the smell of his cologne, one that I’ve been trying to keep up with over the year, because this man didn’t think through his decision of leaving at least his cologne so I could remember his smell.

I wrapped my arms around him and it took no more than a few seconds for me to start crying. I can’t believe that he is really here, beside me, that it is his arms that’s finally wrapped around me.

Connor didn’t say anything, just held me tighter and occasionally rubbed his hand up and down my arm to comfort me.

“I’m sorry babe, that you had to go through everything alone. I’m here now, we’ll get through whatever together, all right,” Connor was no stranger to my life even after he left Chicago. Every single night I’d text or call him to give life updates but it was one thing to be a listening ear miles away and another to be physically there to support you.

“I’m never leaving you again and if I have to get away from here, I’ll bring you with me,” he said, tone suggesting that he’s making a promise.

I nodded, not trusting myself to say anything yet although the tears have stopped. I rested my head on his shoulder and took a deep breath in.

“Glad you came back, babe. I know it’s hard for you too, this place doesn’t really give you a lot of good memories, and I’m sorry for not being there for you too,” I started after a stretch of silence.

“It’s okay, maybe the happy memories are not much but it’s enough and I think I’m open to the idea of making more since my favourite person is still here. What’d you think?” I turned my head to see him looking at me. I nodded.

“I love you, Connor Rhodes, thanks for coming back,” I hugged him tighter and felt his arms hugging me back. “I love you too,” Connor kissed the top of my head.

“Do you need to go back in anytime soon?” I heard him ask. I shook my head, my shift was already over but I wasn’t ready to go back to an empty apartment, not after the day I had. But now that my home is here, “Let’s go back, my shift’s over.”

~

thanks for readingg!! ❤️

[buckyismybicycle]

I don't know how terrible this quality will be on Tumblr, but the higher resolution/original can be found on AO3!

Title: swim for the music that saves you Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Tags: ShrinkyClinks, Social Media AU, WIP/teaser Summary: It all started when he sent a video singing Happy Birthday to his sister, not knowing that she would post it on her social media.

Now, JBuckyBarnes has millions of followers all hearing his story, following his recovery, listening to him sing. Little does he know, he's going to change the life of one follower in particular.

Steve Rogers, chronically ill and spending most of his days inside, has to live vicariously through others. He longs for adventure, trying new things, feeling the sun on his face. A/N: This fic has been sitting in my drafts for some time now... Thanks to @buckybarnesevents: Alternate June-iverse giving me a little kick, I've decided to post an excerpt/the beginning and the rest of it will come in due course.

“Hiya folks… Well, it was, uh.” The brunette on screen pauses and then smiles sadly. “Alright, you know I can’t lie to you. I wanna say it was fine and dandy, but it was honestly rough. That’s why this video’s a bit late, sorry ‘bout that, by the way. It took longer than I thought it would to edit so I honestly kind of gave up.”

He lays his head in a propped up hand, resting against his piano. 

“So, I got home Sunday afternoon and crashed. I don’t even remember getting into bed. Didn’t sleep through the night, of course. I never do. But! That’s just me, my body’s not a fan of the meds. I was feeling crummy — you know when you’re so hungry you’re nauseous but you can’t eat ‘cause you’re nauseous? Anyway, so that for like, six hours. Finally got to sleep when the sun was risin’ but only managed about an hour or so. You lot haven’t heard Brooklyn traffic.”

Steve can’t help but smirk at that because he has, and he is in fact listening to the god-awful Brooklyn traffic outside his window. He could always move his desk away from the window, but he needs some sort of sunlight from time to time.

The YouTube video plays on his phone while he takes a break from work, stretching and wincing as his joints crack.

“So, it’s like, ten in the mornin’ and I decide I’m gonna get something to eat. Nausea won that round, unfortunately, so by three o'clock I am starving. I was cranky for the whole day, and I don’t wanna make cranky videos for you guys. So, that’s enough rambling from me. My brain’s been a little all over the place so I haven’t written anything in ages, but how about a cover of the best of the best? Thanks for sticking around! Hope you like this one.”

Steve watches as Bucky lifts the cover of his piano and stretches the fingers on his prosthetic. Today, it’s the metal titanium one, with its beautiful plate work and a small Hydra Industries logo on the forearm. 

You gotta swim… Swim for your life

Swim for the music that saves you

When you're not so sure you'll survive

You gotta swim… Swim when it hurts

The whole world is watching

You haven't come this far to fall off the earth

The currents will pull you, away from your love

Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn

Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun

Cracking the armor, yeah

I swim for brighter days, despite of the absence of sun

Choking on salt water, I'm not giving in, I swim

You gotta swim… through nights that won't end

Swim for your families, your lovers, your sisters, and brothers and friends

Steve listens to the beautiful voice fill the empty space of his studio apartment, caught up in the soft yet powerful melody. What really hits him are the words, though. 

Bucky’s life is no secret — except maybe his real first name because there’s no parent on this planet that hates their kid that much. Steve doesn’t know exactly how Bucky had started off, but the channel was a newer discovery for Steve. 

Well, there it is. As always, thanks so much for tuning in! Hope you liked the song, and maybe I’ll see you guys next time with something original, huh? Bye!” 

[faejilly]

last week's Weekly Tag Wednesday: Firsts

tagged by @michellemisfit no pressure tagging: @twistedsinews @breadedsinner @indigorally @lynne-monstr @bettydice & anyone who would like to play along

Name: jilly

Age: I am older than the meaning of life, the universe, and everything

First Pet: I believe we had a budgie (parakeet) when I was very little, but I don't so much remember said budgie as I remember that I remembered him when I was 5, if that sentence makes sense?

The first pet I remember was a cat named Gandalf (the Grey).

First Word: no fucking clue. I don't know what my kids' first words were either, sorry?

First Celebrity Crush: / First IRL Crush: I am grey-ace enough to have no answer to this. what are crushes? how do?

First Kiss: in college (see above 😅)

First Car: A pontiac something? it was blue and its transmission died after maybe a year, because it was Very Used (and I was Very Broke, so that was not fun)

First apartment/house/dorm/whatever away from your parents: Yes? I don't understand this question, I do in fact no longer live with my mother. (I had a dorm room at the one year of college I successfully completed? Then we had a series of varying degrees of cheap apartments. Currently we have a house because my husband has a very responsible Real Job and supports me and my magpie brain, we are very lucky that he can do that.)

First Time on a Plane: When I was 7 or 8 we did a plane trip to visit friends of ours in Virginia (we lived in Wisconsin, for those of you familiar enough with US geography that this means anything).

First Cellphone: Nokia something? It was one of their classic bricks

First Concert: Does a Sesame Street concert when I was 6 count?

First Foreign country you visited? Iceland! Family reunion when I was nine. I went again for the next family reunion when I was 19, but have not managed the 29 or 39 ones, and mostly don't talk to that side of the family anymore so probably won't get invited to the one when I'm 49.

First sport you ever played? I do not sport

First career aspiration? Mermaid (when I was four). Despite hating swimming lessons? I think I wanted to just... be able to swim with none of that learning bullshit.

Actual Real Career: I wanted to be a pathologist for the longest time, but I am not actually very good at school, so I had mostly given up on that by the time I managed to graduate high school.

Now I'm mostly just trying to get a good counselor/med cocktail so I can do anything consistently so. :sighs: SUGGESTIONS ON FUTURE CAREERS WELCOME *snerk*

And finally… tell me about the first time you wrote/drew/created/whatever something that made you think “wow”

I was an occasional hobby writer most of my life, but probably when I did Lost for Words because it was the first long/chaptered fic I'd ever written and posted and finished.

Honorable mention to the summer in high school when I took a notebook with me to band camp and spent half my down time sitting outside with a flute case beside me (or leaning against the alto sax case for week two) writing in a notebook and confusing the hell out of everyone who saw me because there was also a creative writing group on that same campus so I looked like I was trying to be in both at once. I was weirdly proud of the chaos vibes there.

for copy pasting:

Name:

Age:

First Pet:

First Word:

First Celebrity Crush:

First IRL Crush:

First Kiss:

First Car:

First apartment/house/dorm/whatever away from your parents:

First Time on a Plane:

First Cellphone:

First Concert:

First Foreign country you visited?

First sport you ever played?

First career aspiration?

And finally… tell me about the first time you wrote/drew/created/whatever something that made you think “wow”

[cianmarstoo]

wipnesday

thank you for the tag @anewkindofme !!!!!

heres a little look at the next chapter of Did things I didn't wanna

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Alex looked up from where his head was resting against his knees as the door opened, Derek walked in, and Alex found himself relax ever so slightly at the sight of him, before the apprehension built up again, remembering that Derek was… in theory… his foster father…

“Hey, Alex,” Derek grinned, taking a seat in the chair he always sat in, “Sorry we couldn’t get here earlier, Mer’s just getting your meds from the pharmacy, then she’ll come here too.”

“.... don’t have to…”

“Don’t have to do what?”

Alex yawned, “...T’... y’know… it’s’kay, I can live on my own.”

Derek raised an eyebrow, before slowly nodding, “Do you remember what Sienna told you that you were classified as?”

Alex huffed, frowning and definitely not pouting at Derek, “Yeah, but… it’s fine.”

“Exactly! It’s fine that you’re classified as an F, Alex, it’s all good.”

“No!”. Derek looked confused at Alex’s shout, which annoyed Alex, because Alex was being super clear!

“Alexander,” Derek leant forward, his voice soft. “You are a level F, which is okay, Mer and I are going to look after you. You’re safe now.”

“No!” He only heard the whine once it was already hanging in the air between them. He kicked his heel back against the mattress. “I’m notta F!”

Derek’s eyes went wide in surprise at his outburst, “Woah, okay, Alex let’s just take a breath, can you copy my breathing for me?” 

Alex glared at him, but it didn’t work on Derek which was beyond annoying… Derek just gave him the look he often gave him, the one which he sent Alex when Derek wanted him to stop being naughty, or rude, or to stop shouting. 

Alex felt his bottom lip tremble and tears brimmed in his eyes. 

Derek moved to sit on the side of the bed, it was clear that Alex was closer to dropping than not. He hesitated for a second, then wrapped his arm around him, careful of all of the wires and tubes connected to him, Alex whimpered but pulled his knees to his chest and leant his head on Derek’s chest. 

“It’s okay,” Derek soothed, “it’s okay, Alex. You’re okay, you’re safe, I’ve got you.” He moved slightly, getting another whimper from Alex, but Derek kept him close, making sure that Alex’s head was on his chest. 

Alex took shuddering breaths, but stayed close to Derek, the steady beat of the older surgeon’s heart was strong and steady. Alex brought his fist up to his face, subtly slipping his thumb into his mouth. “Don’t wanna be… shrinker…”

Derek’s hand went to Alex’s hair, he carded his fingers through his curls. He hadn’t noticed that Alex had curls until he had been admitted, he must deliberately smooth them out, probably because they made him look younger. He frowned at Alex’s words, it wasn’t anywhere near a word that anyone he knew would use, but then it was largely used by bigots. “We don’t use that word, Alex,” he told him firmly but soft enough to not upset him. “Whoever used that word in front of, or around, you shouldn’t have, it’s not nice.”

Alex felt his cheeks grow hotter, he frowned, and curled up smaller. He didn’t usually use it, he always hated it, in fact, but it had still slipped out, and he had been chastised for it. 

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tagging literally anyone who wants to do this! tag me in it so I can read it pls :D

[lliinnkk]

This is a fic I've written from a scene out of my daydreams but this scene itself doesn't fit enough into a fandom to put it on AO3, plus if it did, it'd be multiple at once in a rly strange AU buuuuut I'm rly proud of it and I think it's rly cute so I wanna post it here :) I started writing it in February but I'm gonna post it here instead of writing anything new heh 😂

Word Count: 1.75k

Content: self-sacrificial whumpee; hospital whump; non sexual nudity; stubborn whumpee; comfort

(^Never written up smth for whump tag before so I hope this format is good? Hope I didn't miss anything important)

White light. That hospital stench. Kahston?? What the hell's he doing here??

"Oh shit, she's awake!"

Stop screeching this early in the morning, Faith thought, wincing back at the sound. Was there a needle in her arm?

"Didn't expect you to wake up so soon. Glad you're back! We were just finishing up here." Brandy's familiar face caught Faith's blurred vision, creating a sense of sanity in all the confusion.

"Am I..." her voice fell hoarse and dry and she swallowed harshly before speaking again. "Am I in the med centre? When did I get here?" She tried to sit up but Brandy hurriedly yet gently ushered her back down.

"You shouldn't strain yourself right now, just lie down! You've been in a coma for a long time. Just rest for now." Brandy looked strange, acting so serious, but put on a stupid smile like her usual self with an exasperated sigh.

The memories resurfaced slowly as Faith groggily rubbed her eyes. The last thing she could remember was shouting at Julius, and then...here... Oh.

"Where...the hell is everyone? Are they all okay? How long have I been gone for? Kashton??" So many questions, so little time. "I want answers!" Faith demanded.

"Okay, slow down! I told you not to strain yourself alright??" Brandy fussed, looking like she was about to restrain Faith by force. "Kash, why don't you go spread the good word that she's awake? I'll just handle it myself from here. Let's not allow visitors just yet since she's only just woken up."

"Yeah sure, I'll leave you to it then. I guess that's it for training today?" Kash asked, removing his hospital scrubs. Had he been treating Faith as a patient before she woke?

"Yeah go on, take the day off actually, we'll probably all be celebrating with a drink tonight," Brandy winked as she waved Kash out the door.

Faith took this time to take the rest of the room in. The room was full of hospital beds with equipment filled bedside tables but her bed was the only one being used. On her own bedside table she noted the cluttered amount of flowers and get-well-soon cards piled in with all the syringes and drugs of which the sight sent chills down her spine. She felt again the itch to get up.

"So, to explain the situation for you... Hm, this isn't going to be any easy news to break to you." Brandy let out a breath as though the emotional toll of the topic had physically knocked the wind out of her lungs itself as she took a seat on Faith's left. "Since donating seventy years of your lifespan, you've been stuck in a coma for the past week. I'm so sorry."

Faith's eyes widened. "I've been in a coma for a whole week? Seriously? How could I have lost so much time?" Panicked now, Faith made her third attempt at sitting up, this time unchallenged. The world spun around her and her head swam in a thick void of sickeningly painful dizziness.

"Hey, but don't worry! All our plans went ahead smoothly and everyone's actually settled in really well now. And everyone in hospital is healing super quick too, you don't have to worry." Brandy laid a gentle hand on Faith's shoulder to steady her and they made eye contact, though somehow still they couldn't see eye to eye. "You're fine, we're fine. Everything is going absolutely fine. Trust me. All we need you to do for us now is rest."

Faith's brows still furrowed, an expression of devastating betrayal etched across her face. "but... But what's he doing here?? Why's he here, why's Kash here??"

"Julius and I went to rescue him a couple days ago. No, I think it would be five days ago now actually. Yeah, why?" Brandy didn't understand.

"No... No, no, there's no way, why?? Why is he here? What, are you just saying you don't need me or something? Is that what you're saying? I was supposed to go, not Julius, if I was asleep you should've just woken me up, I'd have been fine, it'd have been easy, so easy!"

"What?? Faith, what the hell are you talking about? Did you not hear me or something? I said you were in a coma for a whole week! We weren't even sure if you were gonna survive, there was no way we were gonna make you do anything short of getting out of bed!"

"Just go and rub it in why don't you? I was just sitting here for a whole week and life kept on moving without me as if I'm not here." Blinking back tears, Faith breathed, balling her fists into her hair in an attempt to pull apart the pounding pain by force. Brandy could all but stare, just trying to put together how to react. "I've lost so much time. I... I've got to make up for this somehow. What the hell can I do to make up for this??"

"What the hell did you expect us to do while you were gone though, nothing?"

"No, I expected me not to have been in a god damn coma! I've lost so fucking much now! Why the hell did I have to pass out like that? I should've been stronger!"

"Faith, what the fuck?? You lost seventy years of your life! You'll never get those back!"

"I... Ugh!" Faith didn't know what else to say so she turned over in her bed and pulled the covers over herself but became tangled in wires and needles. "Ugh, I hate this, I hate being here, I feel like I'm being chained down! Get me out of here!"

"Oh alright, just calm down first, I'm only trying to help you," Brandy sighed, gently removing all the strings and wires attached to Faith's body.

Briefly, Brandy left the room only to fetch a spare wheelchair, then returned to the sight of stupid Faith on the stupid floor, groaning with the nauseating pain of jumping out of bed on unsure footing.

"Oh my god. I'm not even surprised you fucking dumbass."

"Help."

"Just get in the god damn chair."

After clambering into her chair she sanitised her hands before wheeling herself with practised precision out into the woods just outside. She shivered in just a hospital gown, cursing the early January air. This decision looked to worsen the state of her already stupid body but she just needed to get out of that damn hospital. Most importantly she needed to be on her own, possibly the most useless and ashamed Faith had ever felt.

"Thought you'd be here." Brandy's voice startled Faith and she quickly wiped her tears on her arm.

"Go away," Faith said, voice wobbling.

"Yeah yeah, I know. I got you a blanket and a bowl of soup. I don't know what the hell you think you're doing in the freezing cold like this," said Brandy, putting the tray of soup and water on the ground to throw a thick blanket over Faith's stunned face.

"Uh...thanks," Faith hummed, reluctantly taking the tray. She found a neat pair of gloves on it and slowly put them on then spooned the broth into her dry mouth. The steaming warmth spread down her throat and into the rest of her body and she felt as though she hadn't tasted something so good in years.

"it's okay you know?" asked Brandy, watching the wind blow brutally through Faith's hair as she continued to eat. "It's okay that you're not okay."

"I'm fine," Faith said, avoiding eye contact.

"Alright then," she took a seat on a nearby stump and hugged herself, thankfully smart enough to have put a coat on before she left. "But I'm not gonna let you just start walking around like you're perfectly healthy."

"I've never been perfectly healthy," Faith scoffed as she rolled her eyes.

"You act like you are."

"I have to."

"Not now you don't."

"Yes I do. What are people gonna think when they see me like this?"

"Not a single one of us hasn't seen you like this."

"Oh so they just don't care?"

"That's not it. Everyone cares, even Julius, that's why he went for you."

"But everyone's just moving on without me now. No one even needs me anymore."

"Faith, that's not true. You're worth more than just a sacrifice."

Faith just sighed and kept eating, eyes fixed on some stray leaf rolling around on the ground.

"You'd never say that about us so why would you say that about yourself?" Brandy stood up and towered over Faith. No response. This was clearly the end of the conversation.

"I'm done," Faith said, putting her spoon down after some time passed.

"Great, let's go back then."

"No, I'm staying here."

"Oh no you're not, you're coming with me," Brandy grinned maliciously, turning the wheelchair around despite Faith's protests. "You're having a shower!"

Faith nagged and shouted but had no strength to fight Brandy when she carried her bridal style into the shower room and gently set her down on a stool, undoing her hospital gown. It probably would've been easier to bathe than shower since she found it so difficult to walk or move but a fear of the ocean came with consequences.

She sat on the plastic stool under the shower head, completely naked and in need of a shave but probably not today. The water was cold, then hot, then just right, and she soon welcomed the warmth embracing her. All protest melted away at the feel of loving fingers in her hair massaging her scalp. The soft wash cloth saw no complaint as it gently washed down every surface of her body.

Afterwards, she was dried off in the bathroom, wrapped in white robes as Brandy brushed through and blow dried her hair with great care. She was brought to the sink where she could brush her teeth before changing into a clean hospital gown and being carried back to her hospital bed.

"There you go - warm, clean and full on tasty food now," Brandy sang, pecking Faith's forehead.

"Thanks Brandy. And sorry about earlier, I promise I'm really okay now," Faith said, cheeks still pink from the warmth of the shower. Brandy knew she still wasn't really okay but knew better than to kick up a fuss about it. Faith stretched, head no longer pounding. "Alright, I think I'm ready for visitors now. Let everyone in!"

Thank you for reading, I am very proud of this!! ^^